Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and ADHD
“They said it was fine, so why did I feel such an intense, gut-wrenching pain?”
This might be rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), an extreme emotional pain triggered by:
Perceived or actual rejection
Criticism
The feeling of falling short of your own expectations.
This isn't just feeling sad or disappointed. For those of us with RSD, a minor slight can feel physically agonising and cause us to withdraw or react impulsively, only to regret our behaviour.
In fact, many of the same receptors in the brain that light up for physical pain also respond in similar ways to social pain.
RSD is not a personal failing.
It is a neurological response rooted in how the ADHD brain processes emotional pain.
This isn't just talk. It's a real experience that many of us have gone through too. We’re here to walk alongside you on this journey.
Understanding the traits of RSD
RSD mimics a trauma response, a nervous system reaction to years of negative experiences. You might recognise these traits:
Intense emotional pain: Getting that gut-punch feeling from perceived failures, rejections, or critiques.
Perceived rejection: Reading social cues as rejection. Then replaying every conversation, word and gesture. While thinking, what did I do wrong? Then replaying every conversation, word and gesture.
Persistent impact: The emotional pain often lingers for ages after the event.
Negative self-image: RSD can convince you that you're not good enough. It's like having a relentless inner critic on repeat, always finding new ways to tell you you've failed.
Rapid escalation: Emotions can get real BIG, real fast. It’s like being swept away in a swift river. But don’t worry, we're here to help you swim.
Social withdrawal: To reduce the risk of rejection, you might start avoiding social situations entirely. It’s like saying, “If I don’t play, I can’t lose.”
Common coping mechanisms for RSD
When you're dealing with the intense pain of RSD, it's natural to seek ways to protect yourself. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy: you act as though people are going to reject you, which can create insecurity and lead to you cutting yourself off.
People-pleasing: Seeking approval to avoid perceived rejection.
Avoidance: Refusing to try new tasks or take risks, even small ones.
Rejecting first: To avoid being hurt, you might preemptively reject others.
How ADHD coaching can help with RSD
Beehyve coaches offer a practical, down-to-earth approach to managing RSD. We collaborate with you to make strategies for your daily challenges, and plan for the future.
While the techniques may seem simple, they are powerful tools:
Emotional regulation: Naming what you're feeling can help you respond thoughtfully.
Practice a pause: Before you react, establish and practise simple techniques like deep breathing to calm your nervous system.
Challenging negative thoughts: We’ll help you question irrational thoughts and reframe them with more realistic, helpful statements.
Building self-compassion: We'll work with you to find what self-compassion looks and feels like for you.
Practical coping skills: This is about practicing clear communication. Our coaches will guide you to express yourself with confidence, so you can say yes when you really want to or set boundaries and say "no" with power. We'll also get into the nuts and bolts of routines and systems that actually work for your brain.
How ADHD counseling can help with RSD
Our therapy team complements coaching by digging a bit deeper. We’ll help you understand why you react the way you do and help heal any emotional wounds.
Therapeutic approaches for RSD include:
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): We’ll help you make space for tough thoughts and feelings instead of fighting them, while focusing on the things that really matter to you.
Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT): A form of talk therapy that teaches you about the impact of your emotions and behaviours, and potentially how to manage them to help you achieve outcomes.
Trauma-informed approaches: This approach helps us dig into how years of feeling misunderstood or having to mask your ADHD traits might be contributing to your RSD.
Connect with others who understand
Ready to build resilience? We're with you. Find a community of people who also experience RSD to provide a safe space to share and connect.
