Meet me at the crossroads of Autism and ADHD: AuDHD
After the assessments, after exhaustion, after shame, confusion, and many conversations, there is a question: now what?
Simply knowing or suspecting you have AuDHD traits doesn’t dismantle the structures you built to survive. We didn't mask just to fit in. We masked to stay safe.
There is talk of masking as something to put on and take off. But what if the mask has become fused to our skin through years of sensory suppression and social performance?
We curbed our honesty to avoid conflict, to avoid judgment. Perhaps, maybe I’m already softening after speaking this truth: it’s time to show up as we are. Perhaps, maybe, strike that. We need to try and fit in less and ask more questions like what does a life shaped around integrity actually look like?
Hyperfocus to hermit
If you spend time in a burst of creative, productive, feel-good fire, it is only logical (and biological) that you need rest afterwards. The ADHD side drives for intense, novelty-seeking output, while the Autistic side needs a controlled, predictable environment to recover. But it can get tricky, as rest can be judged as losing momentum and wasting time.
We spent years listening to the world tell us how to be, until eventually, that voice became our own. Now, we police ourselves with a quiet, invisible set of rules, an internalised collection of shoulds. These are unique to each of us but they might sound familiar.
I should always make eye contact to show I’m listening. (Even if it drains me).
I should be easy-going about changing plans. (Suppressing the need for predictability and preparation).
I should enjoy socialising the way others do. (Feeling guilty for wanting to leave early).
I should soften my enthusiasm so I don't annoy people. (Masking special interests or that jumping around the room type of joy).
Practice small steps
Unmasking is a practice. We can start with small acts of advocating our needs.
Sensory audit: The mask is heavy when you tell yourself that you aren't bothered. It could be a scratchy fabric or a humming light. If it’s annoying, it's annoying. You deserve sensory comfort and a regulated nervous system.
Selective disclosure: You don’t owe anyone your diagnosis to be in a room that feels good. Instead of feeling like you have to explain your inner workings, try sharing what helps you show up. It could be: "I’m much more present in meetings if I can doodle while we talk," or "It helps me stay on track if we can follow this up with an email I can refer back to later."
Buffer time: If your day is busy, take a few minutes between tasks to stare at a wall or listen to a song. It’s a palette cleanser that lets one task end before the next one begins.
Finding your people
Unmasking is a vulnerable act and it’s one you shouldn't have to do alone. You deserve a space where your honesty is welcomed and your need for rest is celebrated.
We’re designing an AuDHD group coaching programme for those of us still finding our way. It’s a work in progress (as we all are) and doesn’t have an official launch date yet but if you’re interested, please reach out. We’d love to welcome you in.
