Many women aren't diagnosed with ADHD until their 40s

There is a specific, bone-deep NO that arrives for many women in their 40s. It feels like a sudden inability to tolerate things you used to accept without question. The small talk, the endless performing, constant people-pleasing.  

Other things start happening too. You walk into rooms and forget why you’re there.  

This time of life could be when you receive an ADHD diagnosis. Or suspect you have ADHD traits. 

If you feel like you are changing, losing your mind: take a breath. You aren’t falling apart. You are navigating a major transition in your life.  

Perimenopause  

For decades, estrogen acted as a kind of hormonal scaffolding that allowed you to mask your ADHD. It helped you push through executive dysfunction and manage emotional waves. But when perimenopause hits, estrogen levels drop, that scaffolding is removed and the mask shatters.  

ADHD traits can take center stage as they no longer have hormonal support. 

The science of the hard no 

Your brain is going through a physical renovation. Without that hormonal support, your internal systems start to change: 

The maintenance crew goes on break: Your brain loses its ability to easily repair its own connections. This is why everything, from starting a task to finishing a thought, feels like it takes twice the effort. 

The memory keeper retires: The part of your brain that handles "where did I put my keys?" relied on estrogen to stay sharp.  

The volume dial is broken: Estrogen used to act as a protective coating for your nerves, softening the world around you. Without it, your volume dial is cranked to the maximum. Lights are sharper, sounds are louder, and social demands can feel like physical pain. 

As dopamine and serotonin levels drop, you stop getting pleasure hits from things that don’t actually matter to you. Your brain starts doing triage. Keeping what is essential and cutting what is not. Your neurobiology is forcing you to change. 

How to navigate the transition 

Audit the access: For years, people have had unlimited access to your energy because you were over-functioning to compensate for your ADHD. When you start setting boundaries, they will push back. Their discomfort isn't proof you’re doing something wrong. It’s proof that you’ve stopped people-pleasing. 

Dismantle the social cushion: Start noticing the cushioning you add to interactions. The reflexive apologies, the softening of your no. You don't have to be mean but you can start choosing consciously where to spend your limited energy. 

Build professional scaffolding: You don't have to navigate this alone. 

Get a coach: Beehyve coaches partner with you to help you achieve your full potential. They help you find strategies and tools for your unique brain. 

Get a counsellor: Beehyve works with you to explore what’s going on beneath the surface—emotionally, mentally, and relationally—and support you in making sense of it.  

Find others: Seek out other women in the same transition. They exist, and they are just as tired of pretending as you are. These relationships feel different, less performative, more substantial. 

The new normal 

Once your brain adjusts to its new, lower estrogen environment, the fog often starts to lift. You aren't fighting the hormonal rollercoaster anymore, allowing you to settle into your new, authentic baseline. 

Menopause leaves you with the ability to focus only on what truly deserves your energy. 

The second half of your life isn’t about doing more. It’s about being exactly who you are.